Austria’s Quest for Glory: Can This Star-Studded Panel Find the Next Eurovision Legend?
Honestly, darlings, I thought I’d seen it all, but Austria deciding to have a proper national final again is like finding out your shy, quiet aunt has suddenly decided to join a burlesque troupe. After a decade of picking their entries behind closed doors—which, let’s be honest, usually feels about as transparent as a brick wall—the ORF is finally letting us in on the secret with «Vienna Calling». On 20 February, twelve brave souls will take to the stage in a bid to represent the home nation for the 70th anniversary of our favourite glitter-fest. It’s their first televised selection since 2016, and frankly, it’s about time they stopped acting like Eurovision was a state secret and started treating it like the glorious party it is.
A Panel with More Opinions Than a Twitter Thread
To help us sift through the talent (and the inevitable «creative» choices), they’ve assembled a studio panel that is giving me major «dinner party gone slightly off the rails» vibes. We’ve got the wonderful Caroline Athanasiadis, who is a self-confessed Eurovision obsessive and probably has a spreadsheet for everything, and the gorgeous Luca Hänni. If Luca can teach these contestants how to move even half as well as he did in Tel Aviv, we might actually stand a chance of seeing some life on stage. And then, because the Austrians clearly have a sense of humour, they’ve invited Elton. Yes, the German comedian who is already making jokes about Austria finishing second to Germany. Bold move, Elton, especially when you’re sitting in the middle of Vienna; I’d keep an eye on your strudel if I were you.
Cesár and Alice: The Grown-ups in the Room
Mercifully, the hosting duties are in the very capable hands of Alice Tumler and the man, the myth, the legend, Cesár Sampson. It’s lovely to see Cesár back where he belongs, isn’t it? He’s the closest thing Austria has to Eurovision royalty without having to wear a beard or a fake turkey suit. Caroline Athanasiadis is already banging the drum for the local music scene, insisting it’s «massively underrated,» and while I admire her optimism, we all know that Eurovision is a cruel mistress. She’s hoping for something innovative, which in Euro-speak usually means either a masterpiece or something involving a giant hamster wheel. I’m crossing my fingers for the former.
Mission: Don’t Embarrass the Host City
The pressure is well and truly on, because being the host nation and failing to qualify (or worse, getting «nul points» at home) is the ultimate social nightmare. Luca Hänni is there to offer «expertise,» which I assume means telling people to smile more and stop staring blankly into camera four. Meanwhile, Elton is treating this like a football match, promising to bring his «know-how» to the «Mission Title Defence»—which is ironic, considering Austria hasn’t won since Conchita was a lass. Still, with twelve acts and a live audience, the ORF is at least giving us a show. Whether we find the next big thing or just a very expensive way to spend a Friday night remains to be seen, but I’ll have my wine chilled and my judging face ready.
Source: O3
